CONNECTION

INTIMACY

Couples Therapy

turning conflict into connection

How did we get here?

A couple lying on a bed in a cozy bedroom, with the woman resting her head on the man's chest, and them holding hands. There is a wall decor behind them that reads 'Your Heart I Will Choose' and two small wall-mounted objects on either side of the text.
i'm ready for change

It’s a question I’ve heard often - life is busy, you’re on opposite schedules, you’re going through a huge transition, & there is little time for connection. So, you keep going, but both of you are consistently finding yourself feeling misunderstood, like you’re speaking different languages. Maybe there are old resentments simmering under the surface and if you bring it up, the same fight starts again and you end up feeling even more disconnected.

I often hear, “why can’t we just have a conversation without it turning into something bigger?” or, “we have the conversations, but there is never any resolve in the arguments - they shut down and I am just so tired of fighting all the time.” It’s an exhausting cycle to be stuck in.

And you don’t have to be stuck in it anymore.

I work with couples who are experiencing or feeling:

  • misunderstood & increased emotional distance

  • entering parenthood or are going through a TTC journey

  • distance in their intimate life - including desire discrepancy & challenges communicating about libido

  • resentment about behaviors that have been going on too long

  • feelings of guilt and shame - including the mental load and tasks in the home

  • relationship anxiety

  • ongoing issues that just aren’t changing

Direct Approach

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Compassionate

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De-Escalation

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Direct Approach · Compassionate · De-Escalation ·

The Process & What Sessions Look Like

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    Slow Down & Get Grounded

    Together, we will discover ways to slow down, pause, and tune into your body sensations and emotional needs. This is the beginning of therapy and necessary tools for further emotional work.

    In session, you’ll learn to “turn toward” your partner, share a difficult emotion, and learn to hold that emotion together.

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    Build Emotional Fluency

    As we slow down, you and your partner get the opportunity to see what’s happening inside and begin sharing with one another. We see your emotions as a signal, not something to fix or shut down. In this stage we create tools to express your needs with clarity and less reactivity.

    In session, you’ll start to hold one another in the dark and scary places & continue building safety together.

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    Attachment Work

    I work with an attachment lens - this means we’ll look at past relational experiences and process how they’re impacting your current relationship. Humans are hard wired for connection, so when something hurts us emotionally (feeling unseen, misunderstood, or overwhelmed) we come up with ways to protect ourselves. In this stage we are creating secure and safe bases for both partners.

    In session, I will ask about your childhood and early stages of life, who you went to for comfort, how emotions and pain was understood, and what safety looked like.

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    The Work In Action

    Couples I work with put a lot of work into learning their body cues, getting comfy with their emotions, and learning to communicate openly and with increased clarity. This is the stage where all that work helps rebuild trust and commitment, create new patterns of interaction, and new ways to handle conflict.

    In session, you and your partner will handle conflict in new ways, using all the tools we’ve built and take those into your everyday life. Your signals of communication will be clear, so you can respond to each other effectively.

Let’s Get That Spark Back

It’s always been there, we just have to know where to look

Three people lying on the ground, one holding a disco ball, with a green and yellow textured surface beneath them.

I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) when working with couples and the Developmental Model for Couples Therapy. EFT is a directive and supportive model. EFT is based on emotions, attachment science, and relational interactions. The Developmental Model is based on differentiation, attachment, and neuroscience. With these two models we create space for increased intimacy, connection, understanding, and the spark.

EFT is a highly researched model and considered the “gold standard” of couples therapy. I have received advanced training in EFT and continue in supervision and consultation for EFT. Studies show that 70-73% of couples move from distress to recovery with EFT. Of course, there are no guarantees that therapy will fix or solve all your relationship concerns. It’s not only what is done in session, but how you can participate in new ways of interacting outside of session and where your relationship is at.