CONNECTION
INTIMACY
Transformative Couples Therapy
For couples who are craving deeper connection and communication in Washington State
How did we get here?
It’s a question I’ve heard often - life is busy, you’re on opposite schedules, there is little time for connection. So, you keep going, but both of you are consistently finding yourself feeling misunderstood - like you’re speaking different languages. You crave the connection you once had, but don’t know how to get it back (or, maybe, discover new ways of connection).
There might be old resentments simmering under the surface and if you bring it up, the same fight starts again and you end up feeling even more disconnected.
I often hear, “why can’t we just have a conversation without it turning into something bigger?” or, “we have the conversations, but there is never any resolve in the arguments - they shut down and I am just so tired of fighting all the time.” It’s an exhausting cycle to be stuck in.
Often couples report feeling
misunderstood
emotional distance
distance in their intimate life
resentment about behaviors that have been going on too long
ongoing tension in the body
feelings of guilt and shame
confusion about what to do next
relationship anxiety
ongoing issues that just aren’t changing
Direct Approach
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Compassionate
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De-Escalation
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Direct Approach · Compassionate · De-Escalation ·
My Process
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Slow Down & Get Grounded
Together, we will discover ways to slow down, pause, and tune into your body sensations and emotional needs. This is the beginning of therapy and necessary tools for further emotional work.
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Build Emotional Fluency
As we slow down, you and your partner get the opportunity to see what’s happening inside and begin sharing with one another. We see your emotions as a signal, not something to fix or shut down. In this stage we create tools to express your needs with clarity and less reactivity.
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Attachment Work
I work with an attachment lens - this means we’ll look at past relational experiences and process how they’re impacting your current relationship. Humans are hard wired for connection, so when something hurts us emotionally (feeling unseen, misunderstood, or overwhelmed) we come up with ways to protect ourselves. In this stage we are creating secure and safe bases for both partners.
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The Work In Action
Couples I work with put a lot of work into learning their body cues, getting comfy with their emotions, and learning to communicate openly and with increased clarity. This is the stage where all that work helps rebuild trust and commitment, create new patterns of interaction, and new ways to handle conflict.
Let’s Get That Spark Back
It’s always been there, we just have to know where to look
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) when working with couples and the Developmental Model for Couples Therapy. EFT is a directive and supportive model. EFT is based on emotions, attachment science, and relational interactions. The Developmental Model is based on differentiation, attachment, and neuroscience. With these two models we create space for increased intimacy, connection, understanding, and the spark.
EFT is a highly researched model and considered the “gold standard” of couples therapy. I have received advanced training in EFT and continue in supervision and consultation for EFT. Studies show that 70-73% of couples move from distress to recovery with EFT. Of course, there are no guarantees that therapy will fix or solve all your relationship concerns. It’s not only what is done in session, but how you can participate in new ways of interacting outside of session and where your relationship is at.